The Most Epic Movie Ever

Why not? That's all I have to ask before you watch this trailer.

So let me get this straight. This movie is about Explosions, War, People who don't want to die, Ninjas, Robots, Vampires, Werewolves, Wizards, Warriors, Rockets, Space, The Earth, more explosions, Folks with crossbows, Nazis, Aliens, UFC Fighters, Hot Chicks, Magic Balls with stars in them, Jets, USA, even more explosions, missles, the beginning, the end, a lot of people with their mouths open screaming, fast cars, black angels, babes, muscles, and finally EXPLOSIONS! Did I miss anything? WAIT! yes I did, ZOMBIES!

The title of this movie will be, "I AM SO AWESOME!" That is a direct quote from me while I was watching, "This Is It" the Michael Jackson movie.

"Included in the video are: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, The Lightning Thief, Babylon A.D., Knowing, Sherlock Holmes, Death Race, The Uninvited, Max Payne, The Fast and the Furious, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Midnight Meat Train, Quarantine, 2012, Ninja Assasin, New Moon, Whiteout, Final Destination, Daybreakers, Race to Witch Mountain, Moon, Inglourious Basterds, The Box, Obsessed, Friday the 13th, Star Trek, Terminator Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Watchmen, Dragonball, The Spirit, Carriers, Bangkok Dangerous, District 9, Surrogate, The Book of Eli, Mirrors, The Happening, Fighting, The Road, Angels & Demons, Jennifer's Body, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Pineapple Express, The Last House on the Left, The Haunting in Connecticut, Shutter Island, Sorority Row and two (we think) Russian films we couldn't identify." - scifiwire.com

Is this not AWESOME?

Conspiracy

What does Sonic The Hedgehog and Michael Jackson have in common? No, this is not a pedophile joke. But strangely enough they have a lot more in common that I wish I knew as a kid who was raised on Michael Jackson hits. Check this out!

"According to an interview in the French magazine Black & White—the "official magazine of Michael Jackson"—Jackson's composer and musical director Brad Buxer says Michael was responsible for some of Sonic 3's compositions. The themes that appear in Sonic 3 and some of Jackson's own songs are not a coincidence.

As for Sega and Sonic the Hedgehog lead Yuji Naka's caginess about confirming Jackson's involvement? This may be your answer.

"And if he is not credited for composing the music, it's because he was not happy with the result sound coming out of the console," Buxer said. "At the time, game consoles did not allow an optimal sound reproduction, and Michael found it frustrating. He did not want to be associated with a product that devalued his music..." - Kotaku

You can listen yourself here. I would embed the video but dude asked that people don't.

Also...

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Bozo vs. Blobby

The Saturday morning cartoon lineup in America when I was a kid never included Bozo The Clown. I don't ever remember running home from school to watch it either. But I would have if it was like this.

Mr. Blobby, can it get any more original than this. Dude looks like a wonder bread bag filled with pepto-bismol. A complete trainwreck that you just can't look away from. Bozo, you should have crashed through more doors, then maybe I would've paid attention to you.

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I Want A Dog Not A Cat

Recently I've gotten the comment that I must really like cats because I always post about cats. WRONG! I only post about cats because, well look at them! What is going on in their head!? Really I want a dog. That can do this.

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Keep Being Awesome

Facts that aren't true whatsoever are awesome. For example, yesterday, I was getting my hair cut and I said to the girl cutting my hair as I took of my glasses that I was trusting her because I can't see anything without them on. She then informed me that I should eat carrots.

"That's true" I said, "They have beta..."

Suddenly she interrupts me and said, "If you cut a carrot in half and look at the cut end it looks like an iris, that's why we know they are good for your eyes!"

"Who's we?" I ask.

"My sister in law, she read all about it, she only buys organic foods." She explains.

"Let me guess, is she a vegetarian too?" I ask.

"YEAH! how did you know!?" She surprisingly questioned.

"Just a lucky guess." I exaggerate

"Walnuts are good for your lungs because they are the shape of lungs!" She states.

"They also look like brains, are they good for your brains?" I exaggerate again.

"They probably are! I'll ask her!" She wonders.

She then proceeds to give me a head massage. It was the weirdest hair cut I've ever had.

So, in review, what lessons have we learned? Carrots are good for your eyes cause the look like an iris when chopped in half, walnuts are good for you lungs and probably your brains (we are still waiting for the verdict from sister in law), and I bet you 10 bucks kidney beans are good for your kidnies.

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Cat Fight

This would be a lot cooler set to this music.

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What Happens When You Give a Kid A Really Cool Batman Costume?

Violence against mothers is wrong. I just want to make sure we all understand this.

Apparently a good number of crazy people who take on alternate identities choose batman as that identity. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

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Birthday Defense

Birthday can be a very joyous time. But they can also be a very dangerous time.

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Geography Correction

9th grade was the year I learned that I actually didn't have to pay attention in class. Good thing, cause everything I learned in 9th grade geography has been either proven wrong or never been process in my mind since. BUT, something has recently been discovered. More proof that T Rex is still the coolest dinosaur and still the king of dinosaurs.

Well duh, of course the earth likes T Rex, and would want to pay tribute to his sheer awesomeness.

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Play That Keyboard Cat

Have you ever seen this...

and thought, WTF is that and why is it in every dang video I watch on youtube? Well sadly there is no answer to that question.

There is however, a great way to waste your time.

Made by Tubbypaws, this bad boy masterpiece took me about three hours to make. If you follow the instructions, unlike I did, it shouldn't take you too long.

See!

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High Five

Some people same this isn't the best way to greet or part ways with the opposite sex. I disagree.

The high five is a celebratory gesture, usually executed by two people at a time. The gesture is currently most commonly employed to communicate mutual satisfaction between spectators and between participants alike, during a sporting event, or to extend congratulations from one person to another in any informal setting.

To properly execute a high five, each person raises a hand to make contact, or slap, the opposing raised hand of the other. If the initiator offers the right hand, the partner offers the right hand, as one would with a traditional handshake. The hand and arm are usually extended in an upward fashion to form the "high" part, and the palms of each hand make physical contact in final execution of the gesture. The usual and ordinary five fingers of the human hand equal "five" in number, hence the name "high five". - Wikipedia

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The Awesomest Intro Ever

If I had this intro every time I entered a room, I'd want at least 5 people to faint like they do for Michael Jackson at his concerts. Preferably the should be girls, but if one was a guy, that would be okay too.

So, we have a universe born Polar Bear wielding a giant hockey stick. It's pure awesomeness blows up the moon when it flies by. It's blows up Anchorage! The bear slowly gets smaller and smaller so it can fit into the stadium. All to the soundtrack of TOP GUN and Metallica!

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Etch - A - Jackson

Holy crap this guy is GOOD!

George Viosich III., the genius behind what is known to kids as the Etch - A - Sketch. Anybody try and draw something on those things? Yeah, I've successfully drawn a square. No, make that a rectangle, cause even a perfect square is hard to pull off. But no, George here doesn't stop at the rectangle, he has to draw Michael Jackson, or tons others.

Don't believe this is real? Check out this video.

Here's his site for any other amazing things he might do.

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The Greatest Keytar Player In The World!

Has this become a lost art? Something only nostalgia can bring back? Cause dang this guy rocks!

I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of the keytar.

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Icetris

Originally, the game Tetris was inspired by ice cubes from Russia. The Russians used these ice cubes to make steps and climb over big walls. When the ice melted, it would really confuse the bad guys, cause all they would see is a really big wall and a puddle of water! They'd be all like, "What? How? this is a mystery."

You can buy these awesome ice trays from Attack Mode for only $15.00! That is, when they get the next batch ordered. They sold out immediately.

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Swearing

This, and girls.

To my biological brother and sisters, "Eat blue-shell and DIE!!! Love you guys."

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Be Prepared For Anything!

Action could happen at any moment. I mean ANY moment! But there is a solution.

I only hope that Chuck Norris still promotes these. Cause dang he looks good in those action jeans!

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Music Videos Make Sense?

Does anyone else think it's odd that musicians make music videos that have absolutely nothing to do with their song?

This guy does too, but he actually does something about it.

Loser: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

I'd like to see a rob zombie music video literally sang.

You can find a bunch more of these awesome vids here.

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Practise Makes Perfect

Because we all know there is a zombie apocalypse coming, duh. They are preparing just as much as we are/should be. So I present you with this.

Zombie targets for the range!

Law Enforcement Targets, inc. presents the coolest thing since guns were invented.

"They are shambling your way in full color. Targets are a ghoulish 23"x35" in size. Each target includes scoring zones and supplemental brain targets!" - LET

Let's all take a moment and get out our credit cards, our children depend on this.

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Things That Should'nt Go Together

This last months I've been trying to beat the original Contra on NES without dying once. I got all the way to the final boss, you know, the alien heart that spits out alien spiders. Before I could get the last bullet in, I DIES!!!! I was so close!
So to relieve my pain, I present this.

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Chick Dig Facts

Well of course this is true. Whatever the Ninja Turtles say, goes. No questions asked. That why I always ninja kick rabbits.

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Coffe Table Shopping

So I've been out shopping for a coffee table, but with little luck. So I thought, hey maybe the internet will have one I can buy? I was so right.

A giant NES controller coffe table that even works as a NES controller. Yes! Pressing that big red/orange (depending on when you bought your NES system) button will make Mario jump!

It's made by this guy who also has an awesome named blog. He goes through all the steps and plans you need to make your own. I'll be in the garage for a while.

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Action Hero Names

So turns out I've been wrong my whole life. My real name isn't Chris, it's actually...

Baptiste Omega, Astronaut Crimefighter. Thanks Blogadilla.com for pointing me in the right direction.

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What's Going On HE-MAN?

If you've ever wondered, as some people I know have, let this help.

I still think you are wrong Kelly.

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Completely Sound and Logical

This has been making the rounds, but I couldn't pass it up, it's just too awesome. Here's the headline:

Scientist is Very Serious and Wants to Make a Dinosaur.

"Hans Larsson, the Canada Research Chair in Macro Evolution at Montreal's McGill University, said he aims to develop dinosaur traits that disappeared millions of years ago in birds."
"Larsson believes by flipping certain genetic levers during a chicken embryo's development, he can reproduce the dinosaur anatomy, he told AFP in an interview."
"Though still in its infancy, the research could eventually lead to hatching live prehistoric animals, but Larsson said there are no plans for that now, for ethical and practical reasons -- a dinosaur hatchery is "too large an enterprise." - physorg.com

Larsen says he got the idea after talking to some dude who served as tech adviser for Jurassic Park the Movie.

Christmas just came early kids! I've already started building a jungle in my backyard for me and Laser to play in. Yes, I'm naming my dinosaur Laser because he's that awesome.

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Just... Wrong

So, am I joking when I say that you can buy a wig for a cat? I wish I was.

Oh don't worry, these people are very serious. They even have a book that grandma is going to buy you for your birthday.

"Kitty Wigs® is a product of the feverish imagination of Julie Jackson & her siamese partner in crime, Boone (the cat). Then we met our match in Jill Johnson, official Kitty Wigs photographer, who is just crazy and stealth enough to catch cats in the act of daydreaming about their bewigged lives." - Kittywigs.com

Julie and Jill, thank you. Now we know that it can get worse.

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Requirements For All Books

All books and anything readable should have these simple instructions.

Oh, no wonder I broke my legs, it's not a parachute at all!?

Reading has never been a strong passion of mine. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate and recognize it's importance and I know I would benefit greatly from reading, but really, I'd rather just do something else. It's pretty much been that way my whole life. Which is why this story I'm about to tell is funny.

One day I was at my friend's mother in law's house playing video games. We had probably just finished Free Bird on expert or shot a zombie in the head, because he killed our parents, I don't honestly remember but it's really not important. What's important is that while my friend was taking a turn, I looked at the coffee table and saw something that sent a flood of nostalgia out my mouth, "I LOVE THIS BOOK!" I exclaimed.
Stunned, my friend stopped playing because those mere words alone out of my mouth were enough to shock and maybe cause a little vomit from surprise. He turned around thinking, "WHAT! Chris loves a book!?"
There he saw me sitting in the easy chair holding "The Eleventh Hour". For those of you who don't know, it's a picture book.
Relieved the world hadn't ended, my friend continue blasting zombies, aliens, monsters, or whatever. True Story.

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Adventure Time

Surfing Electric Guitar Penguins! This will only make sense if you watch it all the way through.

Pendleton Ward is the creator of this master piece. Turns out it was picked up to become a series. So basically the greatest cartoon ever is being made right now. The wait is anticipated.

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Paintings I Wish I Had (pt.3)

It's that time again. I think I'm going to need a bigger gallery, not because of an immense need to store more paintings, but because I want each painting to be 6' x 12'.

Maybe ratings from the cadets would be appropriate?

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That Annoying Kid That Drums The Desk In Class Just Got Worse

Yeah, I was one of those kids, and not only at school. I can remember being at my friends house for dinner and drumming at the dinner table, sending his mom into a state of agitated destruction. It seems the internet doesn't care about his mom too much because it has brought us this.

The Electronic Drum Kit Shirt, by ThinkGeek.com

"So, how about an electronic t-shirt with a picture of an actual playable drum kit on the front? That's right. Hit the drums on this shirt with your finger and they play through the built in speaker... simple but amazing. With 7 different drum sounds you're ready for a personal drum solo on your chest."

What if I wore this shirt while making out with a girl? That would be too awesome. Probably better not then.

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I Finally Get It

Chemistry was my least favorite class ever. Partly due to the fact that my teacher was obsessed with Pokemon cards and Everquest. He also look like a balding Weird Al Yankovic. Anyways, he tried to teach us some chemistry, but failed. No worries though, I found this.

Oh, now I get what you mean when H2O and Potassium don't mix.

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My New Guitar Teacher

Thanks Cabe.

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In Russia They...

...use jet rockets to shovel the snow.

These, of course, are driven by Russian bear's who have been trained to blast anything that is white. So don't where you white snow pants to work on the morning after a huge snow storm.

"It's a snowblower. Or better said, a snow melter. The ones above use Klimov VK-1 engines from Mig-15 planes. The one from Tuesday could have been the engine from a Mig-17. They also use these to melt ice on other planes engines--while waiting on the cold Russian airport runways" - Gizmodo

I approve.

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Only One Possible Answer

I've been thinking real hard about this one for a while. So I open the question to you. Who would win in a fight against a dinosaur?

Now, we've seen this one a few times. But still, I'm not convinced. There's no way King Kong was real so that battle in his movie doesn't count.

This next one has too many possibilities, but if we are sticking to real life, then the answer is pretty clear. Sorry Chuck.

Now here's something no one expected. I sure can't win a fight with the bed, it knocks me out every time I lay into it. But a dinosaur is much rowdier so there could be an inbalance there.

Please don't make me choose!

Hmm, I'm gonna have to check my sources on this one.

Yup, I think this is definitely the only correct answer. It makes sense in all levels of understanding.

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New Work ID Badge

I got to work yesterday and my employee badge got me as far as the second set of stairs and then died on the battle field. It just stopped working and left me stuck in the stair well between the first and second floor. After waiting for 5 mins finally someone was able to let me out. I headed to HR to have a new badge reprinted as to allow me to continue my work day without fear of getting stuck. Each employee ID card has three things: A jungle backdrop, your name, and your picture. My default ID picture was taken about 5 years ago when I first started working for the company, so it was a little outdated and just plan not awesome at all. I needed to correct this. I need to awesomify it.

Here's the results of a little flirtatious persuasion with the HR girl.

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Zombie Training Camp

The living dead, an army of almost unstoppable force. But how can a slow moving, undead monster be so good at what he/she does? Only by the traning camp there is. ZOMBIE BOOT CAMP!

Oh Japan, you're prepared for just about anything aren't you?

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Barbara Walters is So Mean

How dare she make Donatello cry and then laugh hysterically at his misfortune!

Ninja Kick the *$%# Barbara!

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Sometimes You May Need A Wake Up Call

Ever wonder what's going on inside someones head that pops their collar? Probably something like, "Why do trash cans say thanks on them?"

Don't worry though, your true identity will be safe after you get your self a fake Douchebag name. I won't tell you what mine is, for safety reasons, but you can find out yours by clicking the link below.

Douchebag Name Generator

Here's a video you need to see if your results were a little too close to reality.

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Rock n' Fail

Ever wondered how or why big name bands sound so good on stage? Truth is, they don't.

Now you know what the sound engineer does in the back of every show you've ever been to ever.

So basically some guy took out the real audio and replaced it with 2 year old musicians who play on cue to the video.

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I Have, And They Are Right

Anybody else want to join me and print out random posters of animals that are awesome and post them around town? I still hate it when I don't think of these things.

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Headbanging Without Music

Just watch it.

Now tell me.

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Skate Or Die, Or Rock Out?

Just when you thought you couldn't see anything more awesome, along comes the Skatar.

A solid body Squier Jagmaster electric guitar completely playable. A few extra trucks from a skateboard and you get the Skatar.

"So I got all the parts for free, and since I already own plenty of guitars, I decided to add some trucks and wheels and see if I could skate it. The important thing for me was that it remain fully playable." - some dude.

You can see the steps he took here to create this machine of pure awesomeness.

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Some More Light Reading

Masterpiece Theater's got nothing on this!

An instant classic I can already tell. Pick up this book here. There will be a book report required at the end of the month.

Also, just so you are aware, here is next months reading.

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The 8bit Album

Music lovers watch your awesome meter cause we are about to do some simple math.

What do you get when you add a Nintendo Entertainment System and Weezer?

Yes, you are correct, the answer is awesomeness.

Pterodactyl Squad brings you and I an 8-bit rock n' roll tribute to Weezer. Downloadable completely free here! Check out each song individually if you like there too.

This brings me right back to 6th grade when SNES was king of videogames, and Weezer was king of my boombox cd player. Who thought that I could get both at the same time? Wait, this sounds familiar... Ah, I remember now. This reminds me of the fantastic dream I had last night with Megan Fox and my Nintendo. Yup.

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Laser Toy From the Past

This is so dumb, SO DUMB! When is he going to figure out that the TV has a glass screen keeping Mario safe. So dumb.

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Darth Vader Is A Jerk

Good ideas suck when they aren't mine. This one is the worst.

Star Wars Uncut is a collaboration of 472 people. The idea is to recreate Star Wars: A New Hope. The entire movie is split up into 15 second clips. Each person claims one of the clips, films it, and uploads it in order.

Here's the link to check out the official unofficial page.

And here's what my remake would look like

Also, Darth Vader is a Jerk

Next I want to see the Power Rangers Movie Uncut.

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Zombies Are The New Pink

Yes, this shirt will come in handy when babysitting. Why you ask? Because of this!

It's to celebrate Capcom's upcoming Wii title Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles. Here's the link if you want the low-down from one of the designers of the shirt. Sounds like it's going to be given away for free at Comic Con this year.

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